The Condition of Female Lesbianism
 

I. Foundation
   A.  No legitimate scientific study has proved a person is born lesbian.

   B. There are many testimonies of women coming out of lesbianism.

   C. Informed disapproval does not mean “homophobia”.

   D. There is no such creation as a "gay" or "homosexual" person.  A person can be a heterosexual with homosexual tendencies-there is only homosexual attraction and behavior. Homosexuality violates nature. A person has all the “tools” and is fully heterosexual.

  E. Lesbianism, at its root, is not a sexual problem―it is a gender-identity problem. Accordingly, there can be no change from a sexual identity that never existed in the first place.

  G. With women it is much more about perception that what may have been reality during childhood.

  H. Variations of Lesbianism

1.      Same-Sex Experimentation- “dabbled” in same-sex experience

2.      Emotional Enmeshment-relying on another woman to gain an identity and a sense of well-being

3.      Generation Y-younger women who think that bisexuality is “cool” or vogue

4.      “Classic” Lesbianism-embrace lesbian identity. Women who strive to fulfill emotional needs and sexual desires through other women. Brings a level of deep intimacy.

With the above foundation, here are some interesting facts. This information is based upon information gathered from counseling with lesbians.

II. Development of “Classic” Lesbianism

Damaged Family Relationships

1. Mother-Daughter Relationships

1. Dispassionate Mother: Emotionally distant and “numb”.

2. Doormat Mother: Perceived as downtrodden, weak, and ineffective.

3. Manipulative Mother: Unable to express herself openly and honestly

4. Domineering Mother: She is dogmatic, determined and very opinionated.

5. My-Best-Friend Mother: She lets her own needs control the relationship, looking to daughter for encouragement

6. Self-Consumed Mother: Often young and immature and still in need of nurturing herself.

Daughters need mothers who are a healthy role model of what it means to be a woman.

2. Father-Daughter Relationships

1. Unprotecting Father: Does not give a sense of security and safekeeping’

2. Inattentive Father: Unable to affirm his daughter’s feminine identity.

3. Unadoring Father: Does not give adoration and honor for her femininity.

4. Unsupportive Father: Does not give support or validation.
 

A father should be showing his daughter how to properly relate with men. Sometimes because of their own issues fathers are fearful of being to close to their daughter-especially when the daughter is going into puberty. However, this is the time that daughters need closeness with their father.

3. Husband-Wife Relationships

1. Indifferent Couple: They fail to love and show affection between one another.

2. Critical Wife: She disrespects and demeans her husband

3. Selfish Husband: He places his needs before his wife’s.

4. Minimizing Husband: He communicates a message that degrades and devalues women or femininity.

A daughter needs to see a healthy relationship between a mother and father so that she accepts womanhood and does not hate men.

Summary of Family Relationships

A.     Daughter sees her mother as critical, domineering, detached, or weak. She sees her father as detached, critical, passive, or abusive.

B.     The breakdown in the emotional bonding between mother and daughter creates a same-sex love deficit in the daughter.

C.     At puberty, this same-sex love deficit becomes sexualized. Attempt to restore what was missing earlier in life.

D.     The lack of affirmation from the father creates in the daughter a lack of confidence in her feminine identity.

III. Abuse: Sexual, Physical and/or emotional
Women in general 17%-25%, among lesbian women: over 60%.

Any abuse can lead to overwhelming feelings of shame, powerlessness, hatred, mistrust, anger, and a sense of betrayal. It can lead a girl to detach from her own female self. For those abused by a male, it can also lead to a flight from men.

IV. Misconceptions of the Gender (based upon a survey of lesbian women)

Lesbian Misconceptions regarding women
   A. 80% say they with a resounding no when asked, “Did you want to be like your mother when growing up”.

   B. 75% say that men are more desirable role models. Eason-men are strong and in control.

   C. 90% identified themselves as tomboys in childhood; 60% were mistaken for a body at some time as a child.

Lesbian Misconceptions regarding men

   A. “Men only care about themselves.” “All that men want is sex.” “Men cannot be trusted.” “Men are womanizers.” “A man can never love me like a woman can.”

V.  Peer Relationships
   A. At times lesbian women in their childhood had an overwhelming sense of being different which caused them to distance themselves from other females. Then because of a need for connection, they connect with other women inappropriately.

   B. When a girl with lesbian tendencies compares herself to peers of the same sex, she don’t feel like she measures up.

   C. As other women blossom into womanhood, the woman with lesbian tendencies feels trapped in a “third sex” mentality-she knows she is not a man, but she does not feel like a woman either.

VI. Judgments and Inner Vows

   A. Judgments:  As a result of being sexually violated: “Being a woman is bad.” “Women are weak.” “Men are disgusting.”

   B. Inner Vows: As a result of being sexually violated: “I will never trust a man.” “I will never let a man touch me.” “I will never get married.”

VIII. Summary
Women who have not been respected and treated like a precious woman by their father and who were not able to connect with their mother will have a tendency to be lesbian.

What a woman needs to help get out of lesbianism is men who will treat them with respect and honor (which they will try to resist) and to have godly women that can connect with them in an emotional level that has strong boundaries.

Here are some Steps to Freedom from Lesbianism
 

1. Come to an understanding that lesbianism is a gender identity issues, not a sexual issue.
 

2. Acknowledge your need of God’s help to be healed from the past.
 

3. Be accountable to someone you respect and trust.
 

4. Find legitimate, healthy ways of meeting unmet needs.
 

5. Develop healthy friendships with heterosexual women.

6. Repent from unforgiveness, negative vows and judgments of men.
 

7. Most importantly, allow Jesus Christ to be the Lord of your life and best friend. 
How to Become a Christian

If you live in the Capitol Hill area we have a family that lives in Capitol Hill that would love to be an encouragement to you. Pastor Richard and Carmi Dover have a cell group that meets on Thursday nights. Give them a call at 206-860-2945 or e-mail them.

"The Condition of Male Homosexuality"